Sitting and waiting, Denver

Jim and I had just had a conversation about sitting. We hadn't experienced the sit and wait for a load game yet. We had been very fortunate since we started that we had only had to sit for just a portion of a day for a load. There had even been a couple of times where we put ourselves out of service just to be able to have some time off. Well, as it would have it, the first week in October, we wound up sitting in Denver. We had decided on Sunday that we would wait to take our rental back on Monday and if we got a load we would just drop it off on our way out. We both expected that the phone would ring Sunday evening or at the latest Monday morning. That would not be the case.

On Monday, we took our rental truck back and worked hard at waiting. Jim went to bed after we got back and I set up shop in the truckstop restaurant, doing some paperwork and was hoping that I would get a chance to post on the blog and do some reading. We joke that everytime we have a plan, it usually is disrupted by a load opp and our hope was that if we decided to get some work done, then a load opp would come through. Not the case...although something else kept me from getting paperwork done and posting.

As I set up shop in the restaurant, another woman driver sat in the booth right in front of me. I said, "Hello how are you doing today?" and her reply was "All right." After she was done eating, she was getting ready to leave and as most of us drivers do, we ask about what each other does and where we are heading. She stopped by and asked me. I shared that we were waiting on a load and drove as a team for FedEx. She shared that she could never drive as a team with her husband and began to explain why. At the time, I didn't realize just what she meant by that comment.

I will try the best I can to explain her situation, the way I heard it and also with the understanding that this was just a small part of I'm sure much more. Her comment after she said she could never work with her husband was that he was too controlling. I shared with her, that I knew what she meant. I told her that when I'm driving, Jim likes to tell me what to do, the back seat driver type (I was trying to make light without the understanding of what she would mean by controlling) and I would just tell him to go back to bed and that seemed to help. I also told her that he would probably say the same thing about me. She went on to explain that what we experienced was normal and that what she would experience was not normal.

We then left the conversation of driving and she began to share what she was talking about. Hearing her story, it sounded like it should be a movie, not a real life story, and was very difficult to listen to and left me speechless except to say that I would pray that things would work out for her. Her husband had been sick and had a stroke, she said that is when she noticed that things became very different with him. He had been a police officer and detective and had to give that up when he got sick. Since then, it didn't matter what she did, it was never right. He seemed to always want control and he felt that she needed to do what he wanted her to.

They lived on a horse farm and when he got sick, she went back to driving over the road to make ends meet. She shared that while she was out on the road, he would call her just to tell her that he let certain horses together when they shouldn't be. Since I've not had horses, I can't tell you what she meant by that only that it involved, mares and foals. He knew that he shouldn't let the horses be together, but would do it and then call her and tell her. When she told him that he shouldn't do that, he would hang up on her and then not answer her phone calls. When she talked about that, I just thought, two stubborn people doing things the way they wanted and didn't agree, not a big deal.

Then she discussed that when they went out to parties, he would come home and tell her that she shouldn't have said this or that and would really degrade her even in front of their family and friends. It seemed that whenever she was home, they would argue and fight over things and she felt that he was doing most of it as manipulation. He would question her like she was a criminal trying to catch her in a lie. At this point I told her I understood that part, sometimes the job becomes the person. She truly believed that he did it so that he could show her that she wasn't in control and he was. One time when she had come home from being out on the road, a police office (I think) came to the house and said how sorry he was and served her divorce papers. She called her husband and asked what in the world that was all about, he said to her, just because I want you to know that  it can happen but it doesn't have to, we don't have to go through with it.

The last straw was when she decided to go and visit her mom one weekend. She had told him ahead of time that she was going. On her way to her moms he called her and asked where she was. Once he found out, he told her to turn around because he needed the car for the weekend. She told him that she wasn't going to do that, she had been planning on doing this and had told him. He told her that he would report her to the police for stealing the car. At that point she hung up from him and called a lawyer to make sure of her rights. The lawyer said that since the car was in both of their names, he could not report her, so she continued on her way and visited her mom.

On her way home, her husband kept calling her and asking her where she was. She didn't think anything about it because he was like that. Once she got there, the gate was locked and he was standing at it telling her she wasn't going to get in. Then a police officer pulled up and started talking to her. She told him that she would just leave and go somewhere else. He started back to the squad car and then her husband said something to him and he came back and put her against the car, put handcuffs on her and put her in the squad car and took her to jail. She spent three days in jail and then her mom put up the $70,000 to get her out.

After she was out of jail, she went to a battered women's shelter. While she was there, her husband was outside the house across the street. She wasn't aware of it, one of the people in charge of the house told her that they had seen him on their cameras. I'm not sure how she wound up going there other than she said that these shelters were run by the federal government and that if something happened on the premises, they had to call a federal marshall, not the police. Also, since she was the wife of a police officer the people in the house had to take other precautions, one being they could not go outside and smoke which she said made her not so popular.

Since this time, she has gotten out of the shelter. She has since found out that he was able to track her through her cell phone and that is how he found out that she was at the shelter. She has since had that turned off of her phone by talking to her phone company. That was scary for her to know that someone could track where you were by using a cell phone.

At the end of this month, they will be having a divorce hearing. She has found out that he had been married five other times and did the same thing to his other wives. She thought that he had only started being controlling when he got sick. Evidentally this wasn't the case and her family even told her that he was like that from the beginning but she hadn't noticed. She didn't know it but he had actually hidden one of his ex-wives car in their backyard under a haystack so she wouldn't be able to get it back. She has also found out that he has sold all of their horses and has depleted their savings. She firmly believes that the arresting officer was a friend of his because they had not charged her with anything at the time of arrest. Later she found out that she had been charged with something, I can't remember what and also resisting arrest. Since that time the original charge was dropped but the resisting arrest charge was still there. When all of this is done, she is going to ask that a federal marshall goes with her to the house to get her belongings, if she has any left.

She shared that she had been married before to a police officer for 22 years until he died from health problems. She said that he wasn't anything like that, he respected her and they had a good marriage. She also shared about how stupid and naive she thought she was and that never again would something like this happen to her. It was so hard to even say anything, other than I was extremely thankful for my 22 years of marriage and that I had a wonderful, supporting, loving husband and that I wished her the best in the upcoming hearing and that of course I would pray for her.

Interesting...the people you meet while on the road. Lesson for me that day was be greatful for what you have and always, always treat others with respect and love. We can never know what it is like to live in someone else's shoes and that sometimes there are no words to say but listening to someone can say an awful lot!

Count your blessings everyday and thank God that He is there for you, no matter what your circumstance. This woman had faith and even went to their church for marriage counseling. She has her faith and she knows that no matter what God is always with her and that is what gives her hope. Amen to that!

When Jim and I went on the road, we wanted to be able to minister to others, just as we had done at home. Now it is to strangers and the more I think that I want to minister, the more others minister to me! God gives us each other and just when we think we have things figured out, he turns the tables:)

Peace and God's blessings,
Judy